sound

what a daze in these days

days come upon me and they begin to happen without me seeing it

i lose track and suddenly im at a loss.
there's a void inside that is waiting for something
a kick in the ass....an overnight in prison...a terrible overnight drunk...
a near-death....a love beyond knowing.

I have been moving around in two worlds
and never grounding in a singular existence of myself

i cant let go and i cant push on.
im engulfed by an abyss of stagnant
that isnt now or present but an undecided now.

last week i felt incredibly lost in what ive been doing
and what ive been telling myself that i want to do.
i was deeply scared that i had no place in this "future" that
i had crafted for myself.
thinking these things made my throat close and
made walking down the street to my car almost impossible.
what am i doing?

why don't i have any urgency or passion to better myself?
where is the sense of pride that a person should have?

yet almostly instantaneously after this moment of terrible doubt
i found my haven.

i realized that whatever the fuck i'm doing now and whatever the fuck
i will be doing at the end of this stint in school...
i have you guys that are willing to create something in the world
that doesn't have the boundaries and shackles
that manifest into such internal conflict and momentary anguish.

i feel at ease and comforted knowing that
we will at some point....be together, making
our lives together the way that we know is best.

posted by sound @ 12:52 PM